From time to time I get up on stage and try my hand at a bit of stand-up comedy. My opening joke goes something like: “Hello, my name’s Steve… I used to be a teacher but I was fired – apparently happy slapping the little f***ers is not an appropriate form of punishment.” I’m no Jimmy Carr I admit, but it’s a nice line to start my routine and it usually gets a laugh.
Of course it’s not true – I did used to be a teacher but I wasn’t fired and I certainly didn’t “happy slap” any of my pupils – I gave them a good caning…
But last week, two teachers were suspended after mobile phone footage appeared to show one teacher taunting a boy who had been tied up using electiracal tape. It was, according to the school, a “prank” which went wrong. Very wrong.
It is not clear how much of a part – if any – either teacher played in the incident. But if one of the teachers did taunt the boy (he supposedly said, “Give us a shout when you’re ready to start grovelling”) then this was clearly too much.
Incidentally, the Guardian reported a “school source” as saying: “It was like something you would expect in Guantánamo Bay or an al-Qaida video.” It’s good to know that the school equates the treatment of al-Qaida hostages with that of US terrorist suspects.
But no matter how unpleasant a pupil might be, any kind of maltreatment of children by teachers should be confined strictly to the realms of fantasy. The staffroom is a place of dark, dark humour. Teaching is one of those unbearable jobs – like nursing (or any job in the medical profession), policing and to some extent, journalism – where a sense of humour is absolutely vital.
We deal with situations that are so surreal (and often so unpleasant) that without joking about them, the job really would be unbearable.
Some of the conversations that regualarly happen in staffrooms across the land, if broadcast to a wider audience, would cause a great deal of controversy. But what is said by teachers behind closed doors is said strictly because they are behind closed doors.
Teachers make cruel jokes about school children’s physical appearance and their lack of intelligence. And they frequently pour scorn on parents’ parenting skills and fantasise about how they would really like to punish some of their worst pupils.
But while a lot of what is said is inappropriate, does it do any harm? I would argue not. This “dressing room banter” is a highly effective coping mechanism. It is a release from the daily grind. If teachers were not able to vent their frustrations in the staffroom then where else would they have to let off steam?
A healthy, happy staffroom where teachers can talk openly about which particular little critter has been “doing their head in” that morning makes for a healthy, happy school. If teachers can rant and rave over a cup of coffee with their colleagues then they are less likely to blow their top in front of the kids.
EDUCATION, EDUCATION, EDU... 